Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
