my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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