My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
