I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
