On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize