Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
