I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
