this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
