I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
