The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
