I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
