I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
