tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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