That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
