come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
