so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
