This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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