you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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