you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
