I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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