I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
