I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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