I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
