I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize