Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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