So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize