Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
