i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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