okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
