I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
