Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
