Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
