i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
