It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
