I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
