cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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