apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
