a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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