Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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