I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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