I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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