My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
