if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
