I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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