well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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