Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just pee around me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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