did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
