Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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