pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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