You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we're making bets on your personal life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
