Kiss
Puke
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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