Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
