Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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