i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
