She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
