I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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