If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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