peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
