What did we do last night that was yellow?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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