He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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