K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and she was petting her beer can
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
