the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize