I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I want is dick and wine.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
