This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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