I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
