Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
