woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
