You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
