so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
