She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
