I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You work out of a Hotel?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
